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By David Plotz

廖曉奇 選注

August is the month of vagueness[1]. Does it have 30 days or 31? You have to recite the rhyme to figure that one out.[2]

Calendars are always fluxing.[3] August itself was a whimsical[4] invention. In 46 B.C., as part of a broad calendar change, Julius Caesar added two days to Sextilis, an old 29-day month.[5] In the reign of his successor, Augustus Caesar, the Senate voted to change Sextilis’ name to “Augustus” (as the Senate under Julius Caesar had renamed the month before, “Quintilis,” “Julius”).[6]

August is the Mississippi[7] of the calendar. It’s beastly hot and muggy.[8] It has a dismal[9] history. Nothing good ever happens in it.

August is when the atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, when Anne Frank was arrested, when the first income tax was collected, when Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe died.[10]

August is the time when thugs and dictators think they can get away with it.[11] World War I started in August 1914. The Nazis and Soviets signed their nonaggression pact in August 1939.[12] Iraq invaded Kuwait[13] Aug. 2, 1990. August is a popular month for coups[14] and violent crime. Why August? Perhaps the villains assume we’ll be too distracted by vacations or humidity to notice.[15]

August is the vast sandy wasteland of American culture. Publishers stop releasing books. Movie theaters are clogged with the egregious action movies that studios wouldn’t dare release in June.[16] Television is all reruns (or worse—new episodes of Sex and the City).[17] The sports pages wither into nothingness.

August was created by politics, and it can be undone[18] by politics. Here is a framework for “August Reform”. Cede the first 10 days of August back to July, thus extending holiday revelry for more than a week.[19] September would have the last 10 days of August, calming the folks who can’t wait to get back to serious work. August itself will keep 10 days. And as for the 31st day, it will be designated[20] a holiday independent from any month. It will fall after the 10th and last day of August, and it will celebrate the end of that most useless month.

Vocabulary

1. vagueness: 含糊，不明確。

2. 你得背誦一下（各月份天數的）變化規則才能弄清楚。

3. calendar: 日歷，歷法；flux: 變化。

4. whimsical: 異想天開的，心血來潮的。

5. Julius Caesar: 尤里烏斯?愷撒（前100—前44），羅馬統帥、政治家；Caesar: 愷撒，是羅馬帝國從奧古斯都至哈德良帝王及以后王儲的稱號；Sextilis: 古羅馬歷法中的六月。

6.在尤里烏斯?愷撒的繼任者奧古斯都?愷撒統治時期，元老院投票決定將Sextilis更名為Augustus（正如尤里烏斯?愷撒時期，元老院將Quintilis [五月] 更名為Julius）。

7. the Mississippi: 指密西西比河，北美洲最大的河流。

8. beastly: 極糟糕地，令人討厭地；muggy:（天氣等）悶熱而潮濕的。

9. dismal: 陰暗的，令人憂慮的。

10. Hiroshima and Nagasaki:（日本的）大阪和長崎，美國于1945年二戰期間向這兩個城市投放了原子彈；Anne Frank: 安妮?弗蘭克，猶太少女，二戰時期遭到納粹迫害，在藏匿躲避納粹期間寫成《安妮日記》；Elvis Presley: 埃爾維斯?普雷斯利（1935—1977），綽號“貓王”，美國著名搖滾歌星；Marilyn Monroe: 瑪麗蓮?夢露（1926—1962），美國著名性感影星。

11. thug: 惡棍，暴徒；dictator: 獨裁者；get away with it: 做成壞事或錯事而未被發覺或受懲罰。

12. 納粹德國與蘇聯于1939年8月簽訂了互不侵犯條約。背景：該條約指二戰前夕蘇德秘密簽訂的《蘇德互不侵犯條約》，約定雙方互不侵犯，并劃分了雙方在東歐地區的勢力范圍。

13. Kuwait: 科威特，西南亞國家。

14. coup /ku:/: 政變。

15. villain: 惡棍；assume: 假設，假定；distract: 分散精力；humidity: 潮濕。

16. 影院整日播放電影公司沒敢在六月份推出的駭人的動作電影。egregious: 極壞的，令人震驚的。

17. rerun: 重播節目；episode:（電影、電視等的）連續劇的一集；Sex and the City: 《欲望都市》，是美國HBO有線電視網播放的系列喜劇。

18. undo: 取消，廢除。

19. cede: 割讓，交出；revelry: 尋歡作樂，狂歡。

20. designate: 指定。

（來源：英語學習雜志）